


love without measure

by hsjworld



Category: ENHYPEN (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Open Ending, Slight Mention of Blood, jaywon is real
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-26
Updated: 2021-01-26
Packaged: 2021-03-18 19:00:30
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,776
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28997121
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hsjworld/pseuds/hsjworld
Summary: but until his last breath, jay forces himself to smile–that smile that will make you forget, and love all over again.
Relationships: Park Jongseong | Jay & Yang Jungwon, Park Jongseong | Jay/Yang Jungwon
Comments: 6
Kudos: 29





	love without measure

**Author's Note:**

> I already posted this on twt but just wanted to post it here as a backup hehe. 
> 
> JAYWON IS REAL

jungwon struggles to keep up when a sudden copious rainfall starts falling off the sky. his tears add up. he feels weak, almost out of breath as he tries to carry jay's frail yet heavy body off the wet floor after discovering him on his way back home because he forgot an important file for his job interview. it could change his life completely without being looked down upon by people. 

"jay  _ please _ ..." jungwon sobs out of desperation. 

  
  


he couldn't move or even call for help. nothing seems to work out. his phone running out of battery, and no signs of any miracle falling on them in this empty street. the only thing jungwon could do is to continue to cry his eyes out, maybe until the sky decides to stop feeling pitiful towards him. 

"hold on jay please..." it hurts enough to make him want to scream. to see the guy that he is entirely sure of, on the ground, all bruised up, almost lifeless. and by just looking into his eyes, the pain was twice painful. 

jay knows that. 

despite feeling invalid and feeling nothing anymore, he knows that jungwon is hurting. he feels like a failure, almost regretful to everything he has put jungwon in. from pulling him out of possible fist fights, to dragging him back home when he's all drunk and wasted, to skipping class when he is sick, to always putting him over himself. he feels sick of himself. it was all due to the position of needing to feel superior, but it came down to nothing when jungwon appeared into his life which had caused immediate consequences towards him. he tried to change, but it was hard to erase a habit that has been exposed for such a long time. 

jay honestly could've had it all; head position in the company after college, the money– _ everything _ . yet he decided to continue to pursue his dream of becoming an artist. and where did it lead him to? nothing in this life seems to go in the right direction. it always ends up on an unsteady rocky path, and the only time he felt at ease as the road got a little smoother was when he met jungwon. it didn't last for long though because he dragged him along in his shithole life. 

jungwon was the epitome of an angel, and still is, in jay's eyes. he is the day whereas jay is the night. others would say sun and moon would've been a better comparison, but jay beg to differ. 

they are a complete polar opposite– one radiates sunshine, brightness and hope while the other gives nothing, but darkness and despair. they weren't meant to be together, just how the day and night could only meet at the horizon, but creates one of the most breathtaking scenes to those who are able to grasp the deeper meaning of that view. similarly to how only a few could understand jay and jungwon's relationship. they were often perceived as a disaster. a good disaster in jay's opinion. " _ a calm after the storm _ " or " _ sun shines after the storm _ " jungwon brings out the good in him which resulted to him getting beaten up in the middle on an empty street after getting into a heated fight– more like an argument in a club. he had a few drinks and it was partially his fault anyways. pouring a drink over a stranger due to his father doing the same to him after he turned down the position again. he apologized to the person, but why did he expect every human was just as sympathetic as jungwon. just how he turned down his father's no ending offer, the stranger also turned down his apology that led him laying down, defenceless, in the middle of the road. 

jay wonders why all this time, he never gave up on his dream when he knew it was far from being possible. 

nothing is impossible, they say.  _ my ass, _ jay thinks. 

muttering an apology after the other, jungwon will always give him the same response. he receives nothing, but a smile. a smile that is real and full of reassurance. That smile that he wants to remember for the rest of his life. that smile that no money could buy. 

he loves yang jungwon and that is the only thing that he is sure of in his life. jay wishes that one reason alone could be enough. 

"jungwon..." the said person locks eyes with him as he weakly calls his name. "im sorry...I– this is not the right position to say this but–" he catches his breath as he is finding it harder to breathe from the amount of pain that is coming from every part of his body. 

"then say less, jay..." the younger one cries harder with the sky doing the same. "say less about your deep regrets, say less about your apologetic feelings and say more about your pain. you are hurting right now– _ god _ I am hurting right now, jay!" 

jay silently studies jungwon's expression. it was that one expression that he avoided analyzing because all this time, he only wanted to look at jungwon where his eyes curved into a crescent moon shape indicating he is happy. but this time, it was different. 

jay laughs under his breath from the emotional and physical pain he is simultaneously feeling, with the tears he has been storing in rolls down his eyes as it is less likely to be visible with the rain pouring above them. 

  
  


"stop crying, yang..." memories start flashing back into jungwon as soon as he calls him that. "help is on the way. heeseung and sunghoon are on their way, okay?" but that didn't make jungwon feel at ease the moment jay starts to cough up blood. 

"park jongseong!" jungwon holds him up and wipes up the blood off his mouth. 

_ please please please... god please save him _ jungwon cries in desperation to whatever god could hear him. 

"yang jungwon..." jay speaks up, breathless. "do you want to know how much I love you?" jungwon says nothing in response. he doesn't want to hear it. not in this position. jungwon knows just how jay knows how much he is hurting right now. they understand each other so well as their love for one another is a disease that is incurable. 

jay has been transparent with his feelings (for jungwon) pretty much when the sun rises to when the sun sets, jay will never fail to say he loves him. its like a checklist to him. 

**_things to do today_ **

**_□ tell yang jungwon that park jongseong loves him dearly._ **

"how much I love your eyes because they resemble the moon– actually way more beautiful than the moon itself" he laughs at himself. 

_ I love how your chocolate cat eyes sparkle in joy whenever you try on a different pair of shoes to add to your collection. those eyes that people see it as deadly icy, but I see nothing, but warmth and sense of home in them.  _ jungwon wants to add 

  
  


"how much I love it when you nag at me for waking up late, and for being lazy." 

_ I love watching you sleep where the sun that is seeping through the bedroom window shines directly at your face. I love to pretend to nag at you since I love watching you pout, before you hug me from behind and place your chin on my shoulder as you whisper a million sorry for being lazy.  _

"how much I love seeing you excited where your eyes shine brighter than the sun could ever whenever we watch aladdin" 

_ I love you for saying nothing when we watch the same movie over and over again. you always say that I am the aladdin to your life since I made you explore the world. oh park jongseong… you are definitely the aladdin in our story just because you caused so much trouble, yet at the end of the day, I want to share this whole new world with you.  _

"how much I love every moment with you" 

jay lifts his arms slowly, ignoring the sudden intense throbbing pain. he gently holds his face, his thumbs caresses jungwon's baby soft cheeks as he slowly make the younger one face him. 

"and I hope in my next life, and my life after that, it will still be you, and always you. because I love you without measure, yang. no one, even the gods, could never stop me from loving you. how I wish in our next life, it will be just us two, living in a small village with an ocean view so we could watch the sunset everyday. just where the night and day meets, but this time we are always together. no more labels. during the day, you can be the sun while I'll be your sky, and at night, I will be the moon whereas you are my star" 

_ park jongseong, I hope in our next life you will be happy. no more pain, just you living your life to the fullest. and I hope I will be there to witness that.  _

the sky calms down a little. they study each other's features as if they haven't been doing that for a long time. they were painting one another in their heads. to not forget that one thing they will always want in their life. 

jungwon tears continue to roll down his cheeks as his arms start to get weak from all the weight he has been trying to carry. 

_ I love you so much, park jongseong _ is what he wants to say and at a time where he needed a voice, he lost it. instead he leans in and plants a long meaningful kiss on jay's forehead. wishing to pass the message that he also loves him without measure, that he also wants to be with him in his next life, that jay is one of his best achievements in life. 

a sudden light can be spotted from the distance making jungwon sigh in relief. with the weight on his arms slowly gets heavier as the light gets closer, jungwon forcefully pulls jay forward to give him extra support. he witness how jay's struggles to carry the weight in his eyes as it slowly closes, but until his last breath, jay forces himself to smile–that smile that will make you forget, and love all over again. jungwon dislikes it greatly. he really do. he wishes upon the universe to have never met park jongseong, but he comes under no regret after doing so. 

  
  


**Author's Note:**

> come scream at me on twt @hoonseungiee


End file.
